The Experiment is my serialised novel, but it’s more than that. It will see me write and publish the first draft of a novel (‘draft zero’) - with no polishing and no eyes on this other than mine, and then yours, of course. This is a daunting prospect, as one of the things I firmly believe about draft zero is that one should write it safe in the knowledge that no one will see it at all. Yet here I am, sharing it with you all!
What follows is a link to Chapters 1, 2 and 3, followed by Chapter 4. Today I’d like to extend my thanks to everyone who voted following the last chapter, plus Yvonne Radley who had a very intriguing idea that I found impossible to resist.
Do let me know what you think! At the end of this post is an invitation for you to help shape the story as it develops. Enjoy, and keep your eyes open for the next chapter soon. And don’t forget, though the chapters themselves will always be free, paying subscribers will also get all the background and behind-the-scenes posts as the story develops, as well as all my other posts. All that, for around £1 per week (less if you pay for a whole year in advance), and your subscription will help to enable me to continue this project. So please do consider upgrading your subscription.
Before we dive in…
Do you remember ‘Choose your own adventure stories’? At the end of this chapter there’s a poll, in which you can vote for the direction in which you’d like to see the story develop…
CHAPTER 4
The screams. They seemed to be coming from inside her head, but they weren’t. She knew they weren’t. Yet something had happened when Leah recited that phrase. The phrase she’d heard on the phone, earlier tonight. Before she killed Isaac. Leah shouldn’t know it —how could she? — but somehow she did, and when Toni had heard it her brain had fizzed.
She was used to it. Brain zaps. She used to get them all the time, when she lived in the camp with Leah. They gave her drugs then, drugs to calm her down, drugs to pep her up. She didn’t know what they were, just that they messed with her head and sometimes, when they fucked it completely, it’d feel like a huge static charge kept firing over her brain, again and again and again.
‘What’s happening?’
’Toni, we need to leave.’
Her friend’s voice was all wrong. There was an echo, it sounded like that time they almost escaped from the camp. They ran, they ended up in a tunnel, a disused railway. The tracks were still there, buckled and twisted, and there was a burnt out car. Toni called out to her, she doesn’t remember what she said. Come on, in all probability; Toni had always been the slow one. But her voice echoed, it sounded tinny and strange. Exactly how it sounded now.
‘Toni!’
She tried to move, but she was fixed to the spot.
‘I can’t. The screaming. Oh, God — ’
‘It’s just—‘
‘Make it stop.’
‘Toni!’
Leah slapped her. Not hard, but hard enough. Her brain quieted, though for how long she couldn’t know.
She closed her eyes as Leah grabbed her hand.
‘Toni. Look at me. It’s just the guys downstairs. Remember? This is an Escape Room. It’s just a game. It’s not real. None of it’s real. Okay?’
She opened her eyes. Leah’s gaze bore into her.
‘But we need to leave. Now.’ She glanced at the screen. ‘Before he comes up here.’
‘Who? Frank?’
Leah’s head titled, quizzically. The screaming had stopped.
‘Who’s Frank?’
Just moans now. Moans and relieved laughter from the group downstairs, barely audible through the tinny speakers.
‘Frank,’ said Toni. ‘The guy…’
She looked at the screen. Her words petered out. It was just the players, hugging and congratulating each other, though for what she wasn’t sure. They’d failed, after all. Time had run out. Surely the definition of an Escape Room is that to succeed one needs to actually get out.
But Frank had gone.
‘Where is he?’
‘Stand up. Toni. Now!’
The door to the control room was behind her. It clattered open. Leah gripped her hand tight.
‘Look at me.’
‘What?’
A voice boomed from behind.
‘What the actual fuck?’
It was loud, angry. But it sounded vaguely familiar. Frank? Toni began to turn, but Leah grabbed her chin.
‘Don’t. Toni. Don’t turn round.’
Leah gazed over Toni’s shoulder and addressed Frank directly.
‘You need to leave.’
‘The fuck I do. You left me in there! You were supposed to trigger [something or other]. Too busy having fun?’
The tone was bitter. Angry, but not furious. There was a hint of playfulness, like the top note in a perfume. Not that Toni knew anything about that; it’s been years since anyone of her age and her background wore perfumes, or makeup, or decent clothes. Anything nice in fact, anything luxurious.
Toni heard an odd sound then, a peeling. A weird suck. She didn’t know what it was, what it could mean, but it wasn’t something she could ignore. She wrenched her chin free of Leah’s grip and turned to look at Frank.
His face was only half there, the skin hung off him. Toni gasped as he clawed at it, but then she remembered. He was wearing prosthetics, designed to make him look dead. This close up she could see how well they worked.
‘Toni!’ he said. He sounded surprised, as if he knew her, sure, but hadn’t expected her to be here. Had expected anyone but her, in fact.
‘Frank?’
‘What’re you doing here?’ He carried on clawing at his face, peeling off the layers. Most of it was gone now, just the glue remained, hanging limply from his skin. ‘What d’you mean, Frank?’
She could see he was confused, even through what remained of the glue. A weird sensation shuddered through her. On some subconscious level she knew what was happening, who he was. But the signal was blocked, it wasn’t getting through.
She said nothing. Neither did Leah, though Toni was aware of her friend looking anxiously from one of them to the other. The noise from downstairs was still buzzing through the cans, though now they sounded confused. Leah was supposed to be letting them out, now, giving them their certificates, hoping they had a fun time and will consider coming again. They’d failed, so of course there’d be an extra ‘better luck next time.’
But they’d been abandoned. Leah was here. So was not-Frank. No one was letting them out.
‘Chuck us the towel, would you?’ he said. Leah did so, and he caught it deftly.
It was a movement she knew. A movement she’d seen, if not a hundred times, then certainly dozens. He never missed. He never fumbled the catch. In the before-times they’d said he could’ve played baseball. Professionally.
But this was now, and there was none of that, either. Toni closed her eyes as not-Frank bent forward to wipe the remains of his disguise away from his eyes and mouth. Not for long, just an elongated blink, really. But she knew what she’d find when she opened them, and she wasn’t ready for that, not yet. She wasn’t ready for everything she thought she knew to suddenly come crashing in. She wasn’t ready for the world to stop making sense.
But she had no choice. She opened her eyes and there he was, standing in front of her, looking only slightly less confused.
Isaac.
What next? There are a few ways I can see the story developing.
A) Isaac doesn’t know who Toni is
B) Isaac remembers being shot
C) Isaac and Leah tell Toni what’s been going on
D) The three suddenly find themselves in danger
Vote for the one you like the most here, or add your own suggestion below!
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It's good so far, very engaging in the first 4 chapters. Throws you right into the story while keeping the character development flowing...
For some reason, "the slap" took me out of the story. Felt like I was in the midst of a 1940s comedy movie, but that's probably just me.
Also, FYI: "He never fumbled the catch." "Fumbled catch" is an (American) football term. You describe him as a former potential pro baseball player. Something like "never made an error" type thing would be more accurate here.
On to #5, thanks....
As it is, apparently, Isaac - whether resurrected, never dead, or, say, one of a number of 'Isaac Clones' - who has come to the door then, yes, its understandable that Option polled top. Isaac's not knowing who the individuals in front of him are is a way to keep laying out text (and ideas) without firm;y fixing them as 'story facts'.
I agree with Carol "there is so much going here" which is working for me as I come in from the cold on The Experiment: as I play catch-up I'm finding the unfolding story is drawing me in. No problem that I've got some many more questions than answers (or that I don't place much reliability on the answers that have, somehow, started taking shape)... I'm warming to the drama. What will happens next, in Draft 0?