Hi!
I often get asked what it was like seeing Before I Go to Sleep turned into a film. I wrote this all about my experience. I hope you enjoy it!
I wrote Before I Go to Sleep in 2009. During that year I was working, part time, as an audiologist. For three days a week I was responsible for the accurate assessment of babies and young children with very severe hearing impairments, working with families who were often going through an incredibly traumatic and difficult time whilst trying to reconcile the demand to do more work with fewer resources imposed by an NHS that was only just beginning to feel the pinch. It was stressful, sometimes, but I was lucky enough part of a large and supportive team and our burdens were shared.
I’d sit there, kicking myself for thinking I could write a book about a woman with no memory in the first person.
Not so with my other job. It had always been my ambition to have a novel published, and so for four days a week I was at the dining table, hunched over my laptop, trying to bully imaginary people into doing what I wanted them to do. Some days it went well, I was thinking up twists, new scenarios, interesting ways in which to surprise the (at this point hypothetical) reader. On other days it wasn’t quite so easy and I’d sit there, kicking myself for thinking I could write a book about a woman with no memory in the first person.
But eventually I finished it. I was happy. It worked, I liked it. So did my mum. I thought I might be able to get it published, though I knew the odds were stacked against any new writer. But did I think it would become an international bestseller? No. Did I anticipate giving up Audiology to become a full time writer? Definitely not. Did I imagine seeing my story in the cinema? With A-list, Hollywood, Oscar winning actors? Literally didn’t cross my mind. All that stuff happens to other people. Not me.
The name Ridley Scott was mentioned.
And yet… I met an agent, we got on, she liked my work. She sent it out, and publishers were ‘very interested indeed’. I was ridiculously happy. I shared my news with my NHS colleagues, and they were ridiculously happy for me, too. And then one lunchtime, between patients, I received an email. It was unexpected and terribly polite. ‘We love your book,’ it said, ‘and really want to help bring it to the screen.’ The name Ridley Scott was mentioned.
It was a surreal moment. We hadn’t even sent the book out for film. I read it over and over again, and then, once I’d recovered, I forwarded it to my agent. A few days later we got more information about what they were offering. Writer and director Rowan Joffe had been given the book by producer Liza Marshall who thought it should be their next project. He agreed, and they had some really exciting ideas about casting. Could we meet to discuss it further?
I wasn’t about to say no, was I? Still feeling slightly out of my depth we had a meeting. Rowan told me all about how much he loved the book, and the ideas he had for the film he and Liza wanted to make. He’d done his homework and even then knew more about how the story fitted together than I did. He could see Christine in his mind, he had some very exciting ideas about the script. He told me had a personal connection to the material, and he really hoped we could work together. Straight away I knew I was in safe hands. I agreed to sign.
Yet I didn’t get too excited. I’d heard that it takes on average nine years to turn a book into a film, and most don’t get made at all. Plus there was the lingering worry that once studio executives were on board the story would be mangled, vampires might suddenly appear or they’d decide to get rid of the whole problematic ‘memory loss thing’. Rowan and Liza were keen to involve me at every stage, but I decided I wouldn’t get too involved. I’d just let them get on with making their film.
I thought someone was playing an elaborate practical joke.
I needn’t have worried. A script appeared, which I loved straight away. Then the cast started to come together, and things got even more surreal. Nicole Kidman? Colin Firth? Mark Strong? I thought someone was playing an elaborate practical joke. Costumes were discussed, and locations. It was decided that a terrace in Crouch End might be right for the book, but wasn’t cinematic enough for the film. ‘Is that OK?’ said Rowan, to which I replied ‘Yes! How about using something like the house in Psycho?’ He paused then said, quite rightly, ‘Well, maybe let’s not go too far…’ There wasn’t a single point on which we disagreed.
And then, one day in February 2013, I found myself in Twickenham Studios. The day was one of the most extraordinary of my life. Here I was, standing inside Christine’s house. I could reach out and touch the computer in Ben’s office, the phone that Dr Nash rings her on, the bed where she first wakes up, believing herself young and foolish. It was my imagination, suddenly made real. When I saw Nicole Kidman and Colin Firth sitting just a few feet away, looking exactly how my characters ought to look, any doubts I might’ve had about the film (negligible as they were) vanished instantly. They completely inhabited Ben and Christine and were bringing them to life in the most unbelievable way. ‘Will you come and visit again?’ said Liza when I left that day. ‘You try stopping me…’ I replied.
And then, one day, the film was done. Rowan had made a stunning thriller, centred on some amazing performances. I can’t take the credit for the film, and still can’t quite believe that it started in my head, but now the story had another life.
I still kind of miss her.
It was an amazing journey for me, but one moment stands out. I was watching Nicole Kidman filming a scene and it wasn’t quite working. ‘It’s the line,’ she said. ‘Christine wouldn’t say that.’ I hadn’t spotted it, but when she offered her alternative the whole scene suddenly clicked into place. It was incredible to watch, and I remember thinking that she now knew Christine at least as well as I did. The character that began in my head, all that time ago, now had another existence, another incarnation. And though even now I still kind of miss her, I couldn’t have been happier.
Loved the book. Loved the film. Loved reading this! 😁