Hi Steve, I just watched your talk on Reedsy and the idea of Draft Zero is extremely freeing. After reading your first (well written!) chapter, I'm thinking that maybe the mc was either drugged somehow or is reliving/repressing a traumatic event from her past (thinking of the tv show The Sinner). I'm excited to see where you take this! Keep going!
Exciting! It leaves lots of questions I want to know the answer to. Interesting that you've chosen to give her memory loss. I've only read Before I Go To Sleep (which was awesome BTW) so not sure if this is a running theme/interest for you or not but it definitely makes me want to read on. Do you normally plot on detail or are you more of a pantser?
This is such a great idea and so brave! I’ve often wondered if Dickens wrote his serialisations as he went along, kind of assuming it was all plotted out beforehand. I don’t have any suggestions, yet, but I’m looking forward to the next instalment. Good luck.
For some reason this kind of feels like the first chapter of a novel that will switch viewpoint characters. So I'd expect that the next chapter brings in another key character, in a totally different tone; none of the stress and anxiety, a counterpoint to the blood. Maybe a florist arranging bouquets, or a decorator showing a client swatches of cloth. Just a thought...
I've just started following you and discovered The Experiment. I have many more episodes to read but I'm responding as if you just posted this so my comment won't have any value but have I missed something? Why didn't anyone mention that she tucked the gun into her pocket. I didn't take her to be the killer first off and was shocked she took the gun. So maybe I misread. I've been in a writing group for decades so being public is not as risky as it would be for some but thank you for letting us tinker. That's generous. I hope it's helpful. I'll read more as I go along. I'm going to do the same thing with one of my unpublished novels.
Why is Isaac called a boy? If he's a drug dealer isn't he a grown man? And I find it strange that a grown woman would be riding a bike to deliver pizzas.
Hi Steve, I recently re-read Stephen King On Writing and was noting how he said he starts with sending his characters off into the story and then taking them wherever they seem to be telling him they want to go, ie letting the story develop according to what the characters would want to do (that might be over-simplified but is what I understood from it). As you're putting your draft zero together now, do you already have a rough idea of your plot outline or will you also let the characters lead you? Cheers. Phil
'She tasted blood > > > 'Leah would definitely know what to do'.
I'm writing this having made landing here @19 October 2023. Pretty prompt for a cold case guy like me. Just six months after the fact of Draft 0 Chapter 1 having been posted into being, right here, in Compendia. Something surely has happened but just what this 'something' might be is not clear, not clear at all.
I text B to say "I liked the first sentence. Enough to read the second, which I liked enough to read the third. Reading lights stayed green right through to the end of the chapter. I want to find out who Leah is and whether she will definitely know what to do next. I'll take the case. Will keep you in the loop as the story unfolds"
It's an interesting start, she'll be an obvious suspect if anyone notices the death, so I'm interested in will it A) be body found and Toni arrested (and then how does Toni get out of it and remember what happened) or B) body found and now Toni is on the run (and trying to remember) or C) does she remember and she knows that she is .... the killer, of course another option would be D) if no one finds the body or notices the poor Isaac is missing, then we could have Toni living in fear of the death being discovered while trying to work out what happened/or thinking she committed the perfect crime).
On The Experiment, I enjoy your rough draft of show and don't tell technique. If the rough draft is critiqued using the Freytag pyramid, the story begins with a climatic event. Therefore, the events would have to build upto even more climatic events followed by falling action, resolution, and conclusion. What if you include a mysterious flashback while "she" is looking in the mirror in the bathroom at Leah's place? Maybe Isaac, before he was killed, was confronting her about his concerns for her? In addition, to increase the drama, what if you turned "she" into a serial killer who doesn't know that she is the killer until the end of the story? Throughout the story, more of her friends are killed. She tries to figure out who is killing her friends while also being in fear of her own life. She can't get help from the police because of her illegal drug history. Yet, the police are involved with their own investigations to solve these chain of murders. It's a journey of serial murders rooted from "her" drug delusions. Leah is the last friend to be killed. Leah says something to her right before she is killed which triggers memories that "she" is the one responsible for killing her friends. The police detective, who is on the case of these serial murders, follows a drug ring trail that somehow ties into the main female character. The detective appears on the murder scene of Leah while "she" is still there. Parallel conclusion is that "she" becomes aware that she is the serial murderer at the same time that the detective arrives at the scene to arrests her.
Just a thought.
Thank you for doing The Experiment. I am growing as a writer while following The Experiment.
I wish my draft zero's were this good. I'm hooked! I don't think Leah is who she seems to be. If she is involved in a plot against our heroine she will have realised only her home can offer some level of sanctuary to her confused friend. She will also have been in a position to administer a drug that would cause confusion and temporary memory loss. Perhaps cameras are set up at Leah's place to video the incriminating footage of her so-called friend cleaning up. Blackmail? Setting her up to do something awful? I can't wait for chapter 2. Out of curiosity, how long did it take to write this chapter?
Love it. What a great hook into the story - the very best kind. It leaves so many questions unanswered - even whether or not we can trust the suggested protagonist. Was she set up? Or did something happen that she has blacked out? Who is Isaac? We only have her point of view of him. But what if it was Isaac who betrayed her and she had to defend herself, but her blackout has erased those few minutes where she learnt who Isaac really was? Or is SHE really the evil one - is there a hidden darkness to her she's not even aware of? (Yeh, I'm kind of nicking that a bit from the beginning of Jason Bourne).
Either way, I would deffo be reading on. Come on Mr W. Hurry up with the next instalment.
How exciting!
Hi Steve, I just watched your talk on Reedsy and the idea of Draft Zero is extremely freeing. After reading your first (well written!) chapter, I'm thinking that maybe the mc was either drugged somehow or is reliving/repressing a traumatic event from her past (thinking of the tv show The Sinner). I'm excited to see where you take this! Keep going!
Exciting! It leaves lots of questions I want to know the answer to. Interesting that you've chosen to give her memory loss. I've only read Before I Go To Sleep (which was awesome BTW) so not sure if this is a running theme/interest for you or not but it definitely makes me want to read on. Do you normally plot on detail or are you more of a pantser?
This is such a great idea and so brave! I’ve often wondered if Dickens wrote his serialisations as he went along, kind of assuming it was all plotted out beforehand. I don’t have any suggestions, yet, but I’m looking forward to the next instalment. Good luck.
For some reason this kind of feels like the first chapter of a novel that will switch viewpoint characters. So I'd expect that the next chapter brings in another key character, in a totally different tone; none of the stress and anxiety, a counterpoint to the blood. Maybe a florist arranging bouquets, or a decorator showing a client swatches of cloth. Just a thought...
I've just started following you and discovered The Experiment. I have many more episodes to read but I'm responding as if you just posted this so my comment won't have any value but have I missed something? Why didn't anyone mention that she tucked the gun into her pocket. I didn't take her to be the killer first off and was shocked she took the gun. So maybe I misread. I've been in a writing group for decades so being public is not as risky as it would be for some but thank you for letting us tinker. That's generous. I hope it's helpful. I'll read more as I go along. I'm going to do the same thing with one of my unpublished novels.
Why is Isaac called a boy? If he's a drug dealer isn't he a grown man? And I find it strange that a grown woman would be riding a bike to deliver pizzas.
Hi Steve, I recently re-read Stephen King On Writing and was noting how he said he starts with sending his characters off into the story and then taking them wherever they seem to be telling him they want to go, ie letting the story develop according to what the characters would want to do (that might be over-simplified but is what I understood from it). As you're putting your draft zero together now, do you already have a rough idea of your plot outline or will you also let the characters lead you? Cheers. Phil
'She tasted blood > > > 'Leah would definitely know what to do'.
I'm writing this having made landing here @19 October 2023. Pretty prompt for a cold case guy like me. Just six months after the fact of Draft 0 Chapter 1 having been posted into being, right here, in Compendia. Something surely has happened but just what this 'something' might be is not clear, not clear at all.
I text B to say "I liked the first sentence. Enough to read the second, which I liked enough to read the third. Reading lights stayed green right through to the end of the chapter. I want to find out who Leah is and whether she will definitely know what to do next. I'll take the case. Will keep you in the loop as the story unfolds"
Time elapses, B texts back, " 👍".
It's an interesting start, she'll be an obvious suspect if anyone notices the death, so I'm interested in will it A) be body found and Toni arrested (and then how does Toni get out of it and remember what happened) or B) body found and now Toni is on the run (and trying to remember) or C) does she remember and she knows that she is .... the killer, of course another option would be D) if no one finds the body or notices the poor Isaac is missing, then we could have Toni living in fear of the death being discovered while trying to work out what happened/or thinking she committed the perfect crime).
I really like the world you’ve created with this - it feels recognisable but also very strange somehow!
Hi Steve : )
On The Experiment, I enjoy your rough draft of show and don't tell technique. If the rough draft is critiqued using the Freytag pyramid, the story begins with a climatic event. Therefore, the events would have to build upto even more climatic events followed by falling action, resolution, and conclusion. What if you include a mysterious flashback while "she" is looking in the mirror in the bathroom at Leah's place? Maybe Isaac, before he was killed, was confronting her about his concerns for her? In addition, to increase the drama, what if you turned "she" into a serial killer who doesn't know that she is the killer until the end of the story? Throughout the story, more of her friends are killed. She tries to figure out who is killing her friends while also being in fear of her own life. She can't get help from the police because of her illegal drug history. Yet, the police are involved with their own investigations to solve these chain of murders. It's a journey of serial murders rooted from "her" drug delusions. Leah is the last friend to be killed. Leah says something to her right before she is killed which triggers memories that "she" is the one responsible for killing her friends. The police detective, who is on the case of these serial murders, follows a drug ring trail that somehow ties into the main female character. The detective appears on the murder scene of Leah while "she" is still there. Parallel conclusion is that "she" becomes aware that she is the serial murderer at the same time that the detective arrives at the scene to arrests her.
Just a thought.
Thank you for doing The Experiment. I am growing as a writer while following The Experiment.
I wish my draft zero's were this good. I'm hooked! I don't think Leah is who she seems to be. If she is involved in a plot against our heroine she will have realised only her home can offer some level of sanctuary to her confused friend. She will also have been in a position to administer a drug that would cause confusion and temporary memory loss. Perhaps cameras are set up at Leah's place to video the incriminating footage of her so-called friend cleaning up. Blackmail? Setting her up to do something awful? I can't wait for chapter 2. Out of curiosity, how long did it take to write this chapter?
Very brave of you to do this. I don't think I have the courage to be this public.
Thanks for using my suggestion and now I'm wondering if Toni gets stopped on her way to Leah's. But by whom, I don't know.
Love it. What a great hook into the story - the very best kind. It leaves so many questions unanswered - even whether or not we can trust the suggested protagonist. Was she set up? Or did something happen that she has blacked out? Who is Isaac? We only have her point of view of him. But what if it was Isaac who betrayed her and she had to defend herself, but her blackout has erased those few minutes where she learnt who Isaac really was? Or is SHE really the evil one - is there a hidden darkness to her she's not even aware of? (Yeh, I'm kind of nicking that a bit from the beginning of Jason Bourne).
Either way, I would deffo be reading on. Come on Mr W. Hurry up with the next instalment.