Hopes and Doubts — The Diary of a Debut
My first book, Before I Go to Sleep, first came out in April 2011. I’d completely forgotten that in the January of that year I started keeping a journal to chronicle things as they happened.
My entries were sporadic, and some intensely personal. I’ve tried to edit it as little as possible, however.
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11th April 2011 - The International Launch Party!
The day of my official international launch. Who would have thought, way back, that we would end up here? Me least of anyone. Yet here we are.
But first things first. I spent some of the morning doing a phone interview with a journalist from the Brisbane Courier. That was nice - an hour spent talking about myself and my work with a woman who clearly loves the book. N and I then went to lunch in Spitalfields and I bought a huge box of Montezuma chocolates to go some way towards repaying the Conville and Walsh team for all their hard work in organising my party. Back home to get ready, then we got a taxi to the offices.
Copies of the book dotted the office and they had the book trailer playing on a loop on all the computers.
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I had such a great time. It was one of those parties, unfortunately, when I spoke to lots of people but each conversation was so fleeting. and I was so jacked up on adrenaline, that I can’t remember what was said. I was being introduced to people with the words ‘These are your Czech/German/Slovakian/Russian/Spanish/wherever publishers’ so often my head was spinning. I know I talked to some of them about proposed publication dates, jackets etc. and in most cases offered to go over there, but I can’t remember much else. I think I agreed on a trip to Lisbon, for example. and I virtually begged them to bring me over to Berlin. In each case they said that if I was ever in the area I ought to let them know and they’d take me out for dinner. Quite, quite lovely.
Some highlights. […} a literary scout in NYC with a fearsome reputation was there and loved the book. […] Meeting the woman who forgot to get off her bus and ended up in the middle of nowhere because she was engrossed in the book. LM arrived and told me Rowan had finished a new draft of the script and it was with Ridley Scott. Susie Harker was there, and I got to tell her how much I love what she’s done with the audiobook. […]
[My agent] delivered a lovely speech whilst standing on the stairs outside the gents. It was touching and detailed how we’d met, how much she loved BIGtS, the four archangels of the book (Claire, Selina, Michael, Iris) and so on. She paid tribute to my writing and I felt a huge sense of satisfaction, mixed with extreme fear at the thought of delivering my own speech. In the end it went well, I think. N had said I run into trouble when I try to imagine how a ‘proper’ author might structure a speech - I need to relax and just be myself, and I think he’s right. I made a joke about how my notes said ‘We’ll never be in the same room as each other again’ but in fact we’re standing on a staircase, so ‘We’ll never be standing on the same staircase as each other again.’ I paid tribute to [my agent], thanked everyone without mentioning names, and then thanked N for offering to support me when I went part time and for asking me to be his civil partner and proving that ‘the most spectacular cake can still have the most wonderful cherry on the top.’ Much applause, and finally I could relax.
Unfortunately before too long it was time to leave, for dinner. [My editor] had been tasked with getting me, N and Iris (my Canadian editor) to Quo Vardis as a sort of advance party, but no one could find Iris. At around the same time it became apparent that someone was locked in the loo - of course we later found out that it was Iris. We left as the fire brigade arrived to break down the door, leaving the wonderful impression that it had been a real, raucous party, and giving Sarah Jane something to write about in The Standard tomorrow.
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