Hi everyone
I think sometimes we all have doubts about whether we’re doing the right thing in life. Here’s a piece I wrote about finally making the leap from my job as a clinical scientist in the NHS to becoming ‘a writer’. I hope you enjoy it.
Don’t forget my latest book, Final Cut, is available now, and should be on sale in your local supermarket for a little while longer at least.
Take care, and happy reading!
Summer, 2008. It was a Sunday. The pavements shimmered in the heat and I sat in a London restaurant, in front of an ice-cream sundae and opposite my then partner, feeling utterly miserable.
It wasn’t the usual Sunday blues. The feeling that the weekend has been too short, that the dreaded Monday morning is just a few hours away. I’ve experienced that. But this was different. I was looking, not just at the week ahead, but at the rest of my life, and thinking ‘Something has to change. I can’t go on like this.’
On the surface my career in the Health Service was going perfectly to plan. I was deputy head of a busy hospital department and, with my manager about to retire, my promotion to head of service was all but definite. But that day, as the chocolate sundae melted in front of me, I finally realized that it was a promotion I no longer cared about. ‘The thing is, I don’t want to be head of service,’ I said, to myself as much as my partner. ‘I’ve seen how much energy that takes, how much time. I know that if I do that I’ll never write again. I don’t want that. I’m going to ask to go part time.’
It seems obvious now, but it was the first time I’d been able to see a way out of the situation. Too often we can get locked into a groove, our path through life can feel almost preordained, set in stone, dictated by the talents we have and other people’s expectations. I was good at my job, it paid well and I had career prospects. Only a fool would consider giving it up, surely? Especially for something like writing novels, an activity which has no career structure and generally pays rather poorly. What kind of idiot would jump off a bullet train in order to ride a donkey?
Perhaps an idiot like me, I decided. My partner had recommended I read an article by an executive coach – the brilliant Jenny Rogers – in which she’d discussed the Rolling Stones. People wonder why Mick and Keith do it, she said, why they get on stage, at their age, taking their shirts off, acting like teenagers rather than grandparents. They’re making fools of themselves , people say, and they certainly don’t need the money.
But, she said, she’d watched them in concert, and she could see why they did it: because they absolutely love it. They’re at home when they’re on stage. It’s their life purpose, as she put it, so why should they stop?
I never thought that the Rolling Stones would change my life, but reading that article did. Jenny’s advice was simple: if you’re wondering if you’re on the right track, then spend some time thinking about what you’d do just for sheer pleasure, even if it paid nothing. Think about when you’re in your element, ‘in the zone’ as some athletes say.
I did, and for me the answer was obvious. It might not be a well structured career and I had no idea how much I might ever earn, but writing fiction was when I felt most alive, was the thing that I loved doing. A move that meant I would never do it again was the wrong one.
The next day I told my boss I wouldn’t be going for his job and asked if I could go part time. When he said no I told him I’d be moving elsewhere.
And that’s what happened. A part time job came up locally, in a much more junior position. I took it. I started writing again. Properly writing. I felt alive, again, and free. Friends told me I was mad, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t The Stones, but I was doing what I was meant to do.
I learned that changing course mid-stream isn’t easy, especially when the move we make is seen by others as being a backwards one. But it can be the right thing to do. Even though the bullet train might be air conditioned and have comfortable seats, it can be the donkey that gets us to where we want to be.
P.S. While I’m here, don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel, and follow on Twitter and Facebook if you don’t already. Oh, and Instagram too, though Lola’s quietly taking over there…
I have read all three of your books and enjoyed them. It was definitely the right decision which you made. I have had the pleasure of knowing your mother who is extremely proud of you. Looking forward to reading your next book.