Goldsboro is a wonderful bookshop (two wonderful bookshops, actually, as there are branches in London and Brighton. In fact three, if you include its impressive online presence), and its founder, David Headley, is someone who works tirelessly to support books and authors across genres.
He’s also someone I feel incredibly fortunate to call a friend. He was one of the very first readers of Before I Go to Sleep, and championed that book from the very word go. Even before the starter pistol was fired, in fact. Because he’s such a trusted figure in the industry, my then-editor showed him an early jacket design, and in his own inimitable way he said, ‘I like it, but NO.’
He had more to say, about making the book not ‘too genre’ and avoiding making it look like something men wouldn’t read (how I wish we were over things like that, but alas we’re not there yet and we certainly weren’t in 2010). I’m sure there were more comments, too, once he’s never shared with me.
Because David is David, they listened. And thus the design was changed and my first novel emerged looking as it did, in a beautiful jacket designed by Claire Ward at Transworld. The word ‘iconic’ is overused, and therefore I won’t use it here (which of course is a subtle way of using it without using it, a technique adjacent to ‘the humblebrag' even though I’m not bragging because I didn’t design the jacket, Claire Ward did), but I will say that an awful lot of books came out in the few years following the publication of Before I Go to Sleep featuring eyes rather prominently on the jacket. I wonder why that was...
Anyway. David allowed us to have the launch party at Goldsboro in London (the first of countless launches I’ve attended there, but mine was first and best, okay?, and featured cake, if I remember), and over the years I got to know him, little by little and in doing so realised what a brilliant, generous human he is.
So, of course, when he said ‘You know Goldsboro is 25 years old in 2024, and we’re going to produce a very special, very limited edition, book, featuring brand new and exclusive short stories from some of our very favourite writers, and we’d like you to be one,’ of course I said ‘YES!’ I mean, I’d have done this anyway, if only to secure an invite to the birthday party, because David and Goldsboro throw the best parties, but being able to go some way in repaying his early and ongoing kindness towards me and my career in this way felt kinda perfect.
He probably told me about the deadline, too, but at the time it was months away. Probably the best part of year, in fact. And so I did what I always do, and forgot it.
Then with a few months ago, I was chatting to another contributor — Erin Young, who is also a great, great friend — and I said, ‘What’re you working on?’ She told me, but then added, ‘I just have to finish my Goldsboro story first.’
‘Finish?’
‘Yeah, it’s written, but I want another pass at editing it before I send it in the week after next.’
‘Why are you sending it in in a couple of weeks?’ I said, with mounting dread. I knew the answer of course. Deep down.
‘Because that’s the deadline.’
Shit. So I dug through my files, knowing that buried somewhere in one of the half dozen folders i’ve got called ‘Stories’ nestled a half-finished thing I’d written about eight years ago and revisited a couple of times since. I found it, reread it, and yeah, not bad. Not great, but with the benefit of distance I could see exactly what it needed. So, I fixed it, and felt really proud of it. I gave it a title (the P J Harvey inspired ‘Hook’) and moved it to one of the many ‘Finished Stories’ folders I have. I sent it to my first reader, (AKA ‘Mum’) who reads everything I write pretty much before anyone else, and she said she loved it too, and wanted more, and why didn’t I turn it into a novel? So, all good, right? I’d done my homework.
I sat on it, intending one final check for typos before sending it to brilliant agent (and anthology editor) Emily Glenister. I was good to go, so with a whole three days left (go me!) I sat back.
Something happened, though. Because I’d hit my deadline and ‘done my homework’, my creative brain went, ‘Okay, why not be a bit playful now? Write another one, free of the anxiety that it might not work. You’ve got Hook in the back pocket, you can take a risk. Time to be wild.’
So that’s exactly what I did. I’d had an idea floating around for a long time, inspired by a verse in a Tanya Donnelly song called ‘Pretty Deep.’ The lines are:
Remember when we all went out to Fire Island
You thought you saw a body on the beach
When we got closer it was just a tire
And you were disappointed I could see
So… I pretended
They triggered something in me. The evocative location (Fire Island, so glam!) and the idea not only of someone being disappointed that a dead body wasn’t that, but how it must’ve felt to see that disappointment in your partner (and no, the song doesn’t specifically mention that it’s the narrator’s partner, but we can and must imagine). And what was meant by ‘I pretended’? All of it sent my wheels spinning.
And they continued to spin. For years (the album it’s from came out in 1997). I never sat down to write the story, but just kept thinking about it and returning to it. Until, with ‘Hook’ written and ready to send, I’d bought myself enough breathing space to just ‘have a go.’
And something entirely unexpected happened. The story fell out of me, in little more time than it actually took to type it. It needed minimal editing. it was good to go, and even had a title, ‘Pound’ (I seem to be into one-word titles at the moment).
So. Pound. It’s dark as fuck and my mum sort of hated it I think, even if I loved it. But was it too dark for the anthology, or actually was I kidding myself and in fact it read like it’d been written in two hours (which it had)?
In the end I sent both Pound and Hook to Emily. You choose, I said. Secretly (not so secretly, actually) I hoped they’d choose Pound, and more than once I wished I’d had the courage of my convictions and only sent the ‘Oh My GOD Where Did THAT Come From’ story.
But… they did! Pound it was, the best thing I’ve ever written, and it’s going in the anthology that celebrates the birthday of the best bookshop in the world. It feels right.
(You can preorder the book here, but it’s extremely limited, so act right now!)
As for ‘Hook’? I love that story too. So I’ll either wait for Goldsboro to turn 50 (or maybe there’ll be a ‘30’ anthology?) or I’ll save it until I have a few more stories and publish my own collection.
In the meantime, y’know, maybe I’ll give it to my reader-supporters as a thank you. (You can upgrade here, and earn my undying gratitude as well as receive little extras like Hook).
Watch this space (and pre-order the Anthology)!
OK, you've talked me into it. Haven't even read Hook yet, but I trust you... I've been and gone and ordered the book. You and 26 others - who could resist??? So now I've got TWO of your stories in my TBR 'pile' (it's a virtual 'pile', so I don't know how high it is...)
However, I heard last week that I've just passed the MA in Creative Writing at Edinburgh Napier University, so I need some sort of distraction strategy in between my own bursts of writing to complete my first novel :-) Thanks for being a fine distraction!
K
OK, you've talked me into it. Haven't even read Hook yet, but I trust you... I've been and gone and ordered the book. You and 26 others - who could resist??? So now I've got TWO of your stories in my TBR 'pile' (it's a virtual 'pile', so I don't know how high it is...)
However, I heard last week that I've just passed the MA in Creative Writing at Edinburgh Napier University, so I need some sort of distraction strategy in between my own bursts of writing to complete my first novel :-) Thanks for being a fine distraction!
K